live from Ma-Crazy Street.

1. I got home from Turkey, and was kind of relieved to be home. I loved Istanbul though, and want to go back sometime soon.
2. I hate drama. The end.
3. Working on my paper. Attempting to work on my paper. Something to do with paper.
4. I'd rather be working on my portfolio, but I don't really want to do that either.
5. AUC round 2 is almost done. Round 3 is creeping closer and closer.
6. My mommy is coming to Egypt. I'm worried that she will be terrified.
7. Realized walking through Zamalek that I won't be Christmas shopping this year - no pushy people in the malls, no cinnamon scented stores, no peppermint mochas, no cheesy Christmas music - I won't get any of that. And it made me a little sad. And I hate Christmas shopping. But I still realized I'm going to miss it. All of it.
8. I have a lot of pictures to be uploading. But I am not allowing myself to until after exams finish. You should be proud of that self-control.
9. I have gots no business socks.
10. 27 days until I head to London and Paris.
11. Lists might be the easiest way to procrastinate. And express my inability to form coherent sentences at the moment.

this is how Dead Week makes me feel.

things that make my life better at the moment

1. Preston's interpretation of Quentin Tarantino, specifically the use of the word "boss".
2. A new apartment.
3. the Music in my head.
4. Cooking for Ben James.
5. Hobohookahs.
6. Impending holidays.
7. Infinite possibility.
8. Dinners with Molly.
9. Daily crosswords.

the land between the solar systems

i am lost.

not literally, of course. i can tell between left and right, know the street signs, and can decipher north from south. neither does it mean that i am hopeless or someone to forget.

i am just...lost.

maybe in thought. i have been thinking a lot, it could be debated too much, in the past few days. about the future, about me, about what i want.

i just feel that i start off in one direction, end up backtracking in the other, and then jump into another path before the ink's dry on the first. i'm so flighty and agitated. indescribably so. why? why can't i find a direction for my life, or even my train off thought, for more than ten minutes?

somebody said to me once that i was turning into someone else - it was almost scary. and it kind of killed my night - i am so frustrated with myself for changing in such a way. it has been a fear i voiced before. would all the changes i faced this summer be ones that would be accepted when i got home? apparently not.

i feel apathetic and ADD. and i hate it.

i can ALWAYS do it later.

so i sat down at 8 30 to write my paper for my ethics class.
it is now 1 08. i have not written a word.




i need to quit being ADD

can i wait it out?

3 days, 4 hours, 26 minutes.

if i can last that long it would be amazing. i just finished a test, still have a project and two more midterms to go. I have class in about 10 minutes, but i would rather sleep. i haven't gotten to that point just yet. LTM went late, then worked on a project, then went to dinner at R. Thomas with Charlie (at 2am.) it was delicious by the way, and very good conversations about all sorts of things.

right now i am just trying to focus for more than 2 minutes on one thing. i have been so jittery lately that i am never sure what is going on. i hate this feeling of not being able to focus. or sleep. im worried that i will be getting no sleep this week, and then i will be off to morocco (yay!) which inherently requires me not to sleep, and valencia (yay!) which will not include sleeping either. i'm either going to have to start taking meth or become a zombie in the next few days so i can survive. i'd prefer neither.

3 days, 4 hours, 5 minutes.

almost there.

oh silly.

so RoKS was fun. i went in excited - and it was great to see so many kids that i met at WSC. really good sessions were had - and i had so much fun being a Facii. i mean - i feel i could have done better, but its an amazing experience! we had a little trouble with the partying issue...soon to be resolved i hope...we'll see. but good. yay roks and yay aiesec. (speaking of which - I am now on national leadership team!! yay!)

but now, before i leave for morocco and spain (yay! 9 days!) i need to focus. i need to go to class and figure what the hell is going on in my life. and what i am doing with it. i need to find a way to make me work. and get stuff done. and not skip class.

ok meeting time.

ps. bought lottery tickets - i want in on $340 million!