this time tomorrow.

I am at such a loss for words on how to describe leaving. And then this song popped up on my iPod on my last bus ride home from AUC.

This time tomorrow where will we be
On a spaceship somewhere sailing across an empty sea
This time tomorrow what will we know
Well we still be here watching an in-flight movie show

I'll leave the sun behind me and watch the clouds as they sadly pass me by
Seven miles below ma I can see the world and it ain't so big at all
This time tomorrow what will we see
Field full of houses, endless rows of crowded streets

I don't where I'm going, I don't want to see
I feel the world below me looking up at me
Leave the sun behind me, and watch the clouds as they sadly pass me by
And I'm in perpetual motion and the world below doesn't matter much to me

This time tomorrow where will we be
On a spaceship somewhere sailing across any empty sea
This time tomorrow, this time tomorrow
- The Kinks.

This time tomorrow, I will be on the other side of the world. And ready, I think, for the next big step that it will bring. But tonight, it's time to say goodbye.

there will be a Cairo shaped hole in my Heart.

"When arriving in a city, we see streets in perspective. Sequences of buildings with no meaning. Everything is unknown, virgin.

Later we'll have lived in this city. We'll have walked in its streets. We'll have been to the end of the perspectives. We'll have seen all the buildings. We'll have lived stories with people. When we'll have lived in this city, we'll have taken this street five, ten, hundreds of times.

After a moment, everything belongs to you because you've lived there."

-L'auberge espagnole

perfect moment number 359

Walking back from Nathaniel's house boat, while I walked the bridge over the Nile that was reflecting all the lights of the Corniche and the green glow of the mosques, I looked up and saw fireworks exploding between the buildings. The explosions were muffled, I think through all the layers of smog and remnants of the sandstorm, so it was just explosions of light.

And that is what Cairo is. Little reminders of beauty and love, especially when you are least expecting it.

yes and no.

Almost all of my conversations in the past week have included some version of the following: "Hey, you're leaving Cairo soon - are you excited? How does that feel?"
And every time I open my mouth to answer, I find myself saying different versions of the same thing. Mostly, "Yes and no."

Yes - I am unbelievably excited to have my family and my friends in Atlanta in my life again. To drive a car and eat Mexican food and resume my life that I abandoned a year ago. I am ecstatic about leaving AUC and heading back to Georgia Tech. For American football and the smell of bacon. To rejoin my stateside AIESEC family and start making a change in Atlanta. For Target and Urban Outfitters and good beer and having voicemail on my phone. To start rebuilding a life in the States.

No - I have had migraine-inducing anxiety attacks over not knowing what will happen when I go home. And leaving my Egyptian family and friends. I've started randomly tearing up in the backs of taxis and get nostalgiac over the smell of ta'ameyya for the life that I have made here. AUC is a drag, but the people that I have met there are definitely not, and the AIESECers here have built me something I feel like I will be removign bones knowing I won't see them whenever I want. I am terrified of reverse culture shock and all that comes with it - I know it will be worse this time. I am a very different person, and the US is a very different place than when I last saw it.

It's daunting, and I think that the next few weeks will only make it more difficult. But it's all part of the challenge that I signed up for.

Dialogue.

Last week, AIESEC Egypt hosted the third Middle East North Africa Exchange and Leadership Development Seminar, and kicked the whole thing off with a Global Village, an event that allows delegates to share aspects of their culture through food, music, pictures, or anything like that. Now, I wasn't able to attend the conference because of school, but I was able to go to Global Village and see the twenty countries represented taking over the Corniche in Gezira. It is strange to think that it was two years ago that I was in Morocco, participating in the same thing. So much has changed since then, but its incredible to see familiar faces so much later.
(Gail from UAE and David Ziser from Kansas/Oman and me and the beautiful Denise from GT). A note on my t-shirt: My 19th birthday present from Katie Mitchell, a Ramblin' Wreck shirt that has the song on the back - this shirt has been worn to every conference and global village I have ever attended as a member of @GT. I am in love with it.)

As there was only one delegate representing the US, which was a little disappointing, but given the financial constraints of the conference and travel to Egypt is a little understandable, we helped deck out the table. Oreos, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter and jelly, Pepsi (although I was upset that our friend from @Madison bought Pepsi and not Coke...my Atlanta roots were pained by that), a Braves hat, and as much Obama stuff as I had in my apartment. Which was cool when people asked for pictures with us, the table, the flag, and Obama's picture.

Which brings me to the role of the Global Village - to learn about other cultures, build relationships, and use that knowledge to create conversations that may one day change the world. Which is just what Obama is doing. His message to Iran exemplifies just that, the willingness to learn about a culture, reach out to them, and begin a dialogue that will initiate change. It's a small step towards a bigger leap, and the man keeps making me proud.

This is exactly what we need around the world - the creation of dialogue. The inclusion of two parties contributing equally to a conversation about the world. And that doesn't just mean speaking, it means listening, too.

For example, the conflict in Israel and Palestine is many things. Complicated, important, heartbreaking, horrifying. But more than anything, I think it is something that changes in definition depending on who you ask. Before coming to Egypt, I was unsure of everything - I had read about it, and knew basics of the conflict, but my understanding of it has completely changed now. Not because I have chosen sides, but because I have had the opportunity to listen to both of them, learn from both of them. And it is increasingly frustrating to find people who refuse to initiate dialogue from a standpoint of being fair and balanced, from both sides.

If you want a different perspective of the conflict than what is usually reported in the US, check out this discussion started by an Israeli university on the role of their military in the conflict. For the full description, take a look at Haaretz, a left-leaning news center in Jerusalem. It is a step towards recognizing the need for developing an honest dialogue on both sides.

Reaffirmation.

First of all, I am fine. Cairo will be fine. The world at large will be fine. It's just at the moment it feels like it's moving in some form of alternative gravity. Like it should be spinning another way. But I promise that I am fine.

I want to understand why something like this happens. Actually, I don't think anyone really could understand it, or want to understand the reasoning behind it. I have stood in that spot, exactly. Walked through it dozens of times. Met friends there, laughed there. I could find it in my sleep. And yesterday, there was an explosion there.

Cairo has never left me feeling unsafe or insecure. I have never equated it with terrorism, and I have worked very hard to make sure others understand my conviction. I want people to understand how beautiful it is here, how breathtaking it is. I want people to understand why I love it. And I do. It is not that Egypt is a perfect place. There are many things, in fact, that are wrong with it. Philip's arrest kind of threw that back into focus, and yesterday's events made it even more clear that this country, the region, the mentality that exists about both of them, need work, but more than that - that they are worth working for.

This only reaffirms the choices I have made. There is work to be done and challenges to be faced. And if not me, who? If not now, when? There has been time enough spent worrying, accusing, and vilifying. There needs to be a step towards understanding, although in reality it is more like several leaps, but its not fifteen kilometers of unpassable desert. It is not the expanse of the Atlantic or the Gulf or the gaps in language and culture. It is only the distance between people.

the endings of oh-eight, in pictures.

A room with a view.

A new year, a new start. The view from my apartment. Yes, that is the Nile and most of Zamalek. Jealous? You should come and see it for yourself. More apartment pictures to come...

A new MCP.
Tiffany Curtiss, one of my heroes not only in AIESEC but in my whole life. One day, this woman cornered me after an AIESEC meeting to come to dinner. Her (gentle) pushing is the reason I have come so far in this organization, the reason why I have such high goals that I am working to attain, and why I have been inspired to see every side of this world, know it, and make it a better place. If you don't know her yet, you should get to know her. You will know her someday either way because when they say change agent, this is what they mean. This picture is from the very very beginning, and always makes me smile to think of all that has happened since then. Congratulations Tiffany, I am so excited to come back to AIESEC in the US in June and work with you!

A friend heading back stateside.
Roommate number two to head back to the USofA. This girl has infiltrated my vocabulary, made these past few months bearable, renewed my love for hopping around like a crazy, and is totally ball-hair. I'm going to miss bovering her and commenting on various repressions that we experienced in this country, and so much more.

A Jenny-Benny.
Hey guess what? I miss you. Yeah, that's right. Like tons.

A city that I love.
Cairo, Al-Qaharra, Masr. I love this city. Yes, you can see the pyramids in this picture, if you look really hard. I'm celebrating the entry of 2009 in Siwa with Christina, and in just over a week I will be flying to London and Paris. But Cairo is becoming home.

Happy New Year. 2009 I'm feeling will be a fantastic year, insha'Allah.

Current Obsessions.

1. that new Katy Perry song.
2. Attempting to upload my pictures on the Facebook and Flikr. (failing, miserably)
3. These little gems.
4. Figuring out what happens when I get home in 7 months (stressycows.)
5. Love Lockdown and wishing I were as cool as Kanye West.
6. missing people, like tons.
7. the Existential Crisis of my Cairene life.
8. Finding a way to write and read more.
9. the Elections.
10. figuring out where to travel for Eid al-Adha, Thanksgiving, and Winter Break.
11. Moneys, and how horrible they make my life.
12. Convincing people to come and visit me.
13. Figuring out how I can meet Russell Brand.

Air-Conditioning

I think AUC has devised an air-conditioning system that will, if continued at its current frigidity, will not only cause a shift in weather patterns, but will eventually make my fingertips and toes fall off. It has already given me a severe cold. Imagine, walking in 100 degree desert heat into a building that might be at 55 degrees, in and out all day long. YEEEEEESH.

Another problem that is plaguing my morning - I can't tell if I am nauseous or starving. I guess it doesn't really matter - only 13 days until Eid!

Ramadan and a New Blog.

Day three of Ramadan was full of sleeping. I will include more, I think, when I have time to think about what doing this means to me, and what it is like to be in Egypt at a time like this. It is pretty amazing, that's for sure though.

The ladies of my apartment have started a blog of our own, named aptly for the craziness of the city that we live in. We promise to update the world about the life, the drama, and everything that goes along with through it. Check it out.

a consistent reminder of luck.

Thanks to James and some of his Silverkey cohorts, some girls and I ventured out to el Mojito, the rooftop bar of the Nile Hilton. We danced until it closed at 4am. On the cab ride home, we listened to the salah from the minarets in Gezira and Garden City.

Between the beauty of that and the incredulity that I was 20 floors above the city's streets, watching the Nile flow through Cairo, and dancing with amazing new friends - I continue to ask myself, how did I get so lucky?

first Egyptian days...

three days in Cairo. my findings:

1) awesome ladies. from AIESEC and from AUC/ALI. fantabulous.
2) haven't met very men of the AUC boys yet (segregated dorms and all that), but they look like promising cohorts.
3) Stella, the local brew, is not too shabby (much better than India's Kingfisher, for sure).
4) I apparently am a hookah "champ". I blame AIESEC and the gentlemen of the modern American hookah.
5) I love AIESEC. and all that comes with it. Especially the people.
6) Tamiyah = delicious. whoa jeez.
7) An incredible whirling dervish performance can simultaneously make you dizzy and lifted. more on that later.
8) I miss everyone at home. Just so you know.
9) I am so ready for school to start. Cairene life requires Arabic, and I have never wanted it more.
10) Internets work best after 1am. Anytime else it is slow as anything.
11) Cairo = breathtaking. Yellah.