Three Cups of Tea.

Reading books like this and learning about organizations like this act as both a positive and a negative.

The positive: Learning that what I am doing with my life has been done, can be done, and can seriously change the path of a community. That understanding culture, language, and people is as important to building bridges as stones and mortar. That someone else shares my fascination and dedication for the parts of the world people have written off. That Pakistan and Afghanistan are as beautiful and incredible as I imagine.

The negative: I'm reading about it, not doing it.

If you want to understand an important aspect to responsible ethnographic participative action research and development implementation, working with Islamic communities, and what I am attempting to do with my career - this book articulates a lot of what I believe. Everyone should understand the incredible potential of one person, one idea, and some tea.

and 60 years later, we are still fighting.

Today marks the sixtieth anniversary of Gandhi's assassination. His ashes, with Hindu custom, have been mixed with the ocean and sent to sea.

I remember spending months researching his life, his mission, and his death - one of those all-consuming semester projects that usurped the Spring of fourth grade. Back then, Gandhi was my hero, my guiding light. I read his letters, read accounts of his friends and family, craved reaching the same unattainable goals in my life; peace, fulfillment of humankind's potential, discussion over conflict. I quoted the man in my speech at graduation (as I am sure most people do in one speech or another).

It wasn't until I left for India that I really understood his work, or him for that matter. Americans exclaim that he brought together his country and his people - but India remains as divided as ever, as does the world. India loves it's Mahatma, but there is still a person behind the symbol that Gandhi has been forged into. Simply, a person - flawed, raw, and full of emotion. Ultimately, his humanity is what fascinates me the most. That the unattainable he was searching for was became a capability, and perhaps that my unattainable goals are not invincible either. I have felt the impact that I have created, experienced first hand what belief, what determination, and what the dedication of one person could achieve.

We are so much to so many, and there needs no national holiday, no day of remembrance to understand that. I wish the people who have changed my life could see what they have done. I wish my life could be laid out and show the changes in its course. I am beyond thankful - at this point I don't even know how to start.

maybe I should just start with you. Thank you.

YouVA. take 1.

So I have finally figured out what to work on during my time in India, time that is moving faster than I thought it would be. I arrived a little more than a week ago, coming to work at an NGO, EduCARE, and completely lost on where to start and what to do. And now - I think I have a plan.

Besides working on cultural education and HIV/AIDS awareness the Project Worldview, I will be working on developing a youth conference for EduCARE called YouVA Week. Youva, in Hindi, means youth - and stands for Youth for Volunteer Action in coordination with the UN's International Youth Day. Basically it is a week long program for 15-24 year olds in Chandigarh to learn about issues that impact their community, like the 20 different slums in the city, the prevalence of HIV-positive citizens, and the pollution of its water source by a city's worth of trash, and then actually act on them. Working with the schools, the NGOs of Chandigarh, and EduCARE - it will be a chance for the people of Chandigarh to break the dichotomy of wealthy and impoverished and and realize these issues influence everyone in India, and everyone in the world, despite income or rank.
I'm excited - its something to work on with a goal and a tangible result. Something I have been needing for quite some time. (any ideas to help me - let me know!)

ok, getting down from the proverbial soap box...

went and hung out last night with a bunch of Canadians, a German, a Dutch, and one other American around some poker, pizza (Indian Pizza Hut is a little strange...like the fact that they use pizza cheese and paneer), mango juice, and Kingfisher. It was really interesting and fun. Partly because we got to hang out in the air-conditioned house of the Canadian Embassy, but also because these other trainees are so hilarious and fun to be with. And of course the fact that I won, always a good sign. And apparently, they didn't know my name or where I was working until last night, so they had been calling me Atlanta for a few weeks. The name, for some reason, has stuck. Tonight I get to go to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 with them at some theater in Chandigarh. And it's Johnny Depp, I mean, come on. It will be fun, and a chance to meet more of the trainees that live in Sector 21.

constant contradictions.

So something I have discovered about India, beyond the obvious other things.
It is a place of huge contradictions.

I was riding a bus back from Delhi (a non-air conditioned bus at that, talk about grossly and disgustingly hot, dirty, sweatiness...) and was watching the landscape roll by. One of the first things evident in India, beyond heat and noise, is the incredible amount of poverty. About 23% of the population of India lives below the poverty line, at about 100 Rupees a day (around $2.15). And believe me - Rs. 100 does not go very far here - clean water costs Rs. 15 a liter and a half kilo of rice is about Rs. 70. It is difficult to imagine a meal for an entire family - just one meal - on that budget. And it isn't hidden or subtle - a taxi from the Delhi airport passes through blocks filled with corrugated metal houses covered in colorful tarps that are stolen from stores and construction sites.
This bus ride was through some small villages and towns, many with crumbling brick buildings or actual thatched huts - and there was one village that we passed that was about the size of maybe half a football field, falling apart, and covered with mud and filled with people sleeping in the shade of a tarp to keep out of the blistering sun. Above the main market (a mere wooden table with a tarp and a few chairs filled with emaciated men and women) was a sign for an investment company, a non-Indian company, that showed a women being driven in a luxury car and looking at skyscrapers in the distance. It was captioned - "Building a New India".
Another, a few kilometers up the road, with no visible town or village in sight, a man was herding cows under a sign advertising the announcement of a brand new mall and multiplex to be developed on the site. The man had to avoid the deep holes and concrete pillars that were already crumbling, the site began years ago and has not progressed.
Alcohol advertisements are built on huge signs next to Sikh temples, and half dressed women sell makeup and perfume while the women below walk with their heads and faces covered by veils.
It is difficult to see these attempts or symbols of Indian progress - especially that of the Indian elite in contrast against the impoverished. It seems almost as if India wants to prove its arrival into the world market as a major contender, where in reality it is only the wealthy that progress. There is so much work to be done here. So much that needs to change in order to move forward.
Maybe, just maybe, I can work to make a difference here. It breaks my heart to think that I might not have an effect in my 10 weeks here - I will try everything I can to.

choices choices

i have been thinking about the decisions i will have to make this year. actually they have been in my thoughts for the past few weeks. they're big - and i am not sure what my choices will be. it's kind of scary, actually.
before AIESEC, i had a definite plan for my life. my job was decided, where i would live, when i would graduate, what i would do, who i would look for. i had them all planned down to the year. my entire life was laid out before me - no distractions, no side routes. all i had to do was follow it.
but now. now, i don't have that plan anymore. there are all these things that i want to do - that i want to see before i graduate, or start in the real world, or get married (yeesh - marriage is a scary to me).
i realized that planning it out didn't leave enough room for me to grow. i didn't expect a lot of things coming at me, but they did - and i have changed because of them. actually, a lot of unexpecteds were thrown my way. my plan just didn't deal with that. so it is scary, yes, but so incredible and liberating at the same time. i have the opportunity to do whatever i want, i just need to make a choice. the problem? too many opportunities. where do i go from here? this year is still new, i can still make resolutions.
so - inspired by this, i started thinking about this year and where i want to be at the end of it. here goes.

- be amazed by india. be impacted. come home changed. pass on the impact.
- really focus on school. be an active student. study more. keep HOPE.
- make the decision by october 1st. yes or no.
- be a mentor.
- have seen 10 countries. (on the list right now - USA, Canada, Mexico, Dominican Republic, France, Italy, Spain, Morocco. soon to be - India, ???)
- be proud of the past year and what i have done with it.
- be ready to take on anything in 2008.

bring it on, 2007. i'm ready.

don't

never EVER tell me what i can and cannot do.


there is too much that i want in this world to be told i can't have it. and i'm not one for listening to someone else's doubts. i have enough of my own, thank you.
i may fall, but believe me when i say, i've gotten good at picking myself back up. just watch.

memories...

Mrs. Gault, Mr. Foxx, distinguished guests, Members of the Board of Education, faculty, parents, and friends.
Welcome.
And to my classmates, congratulations. This is really all for you. Today, we are celebrating our graduation, our time. Today is the day we have been waiting for, the moment we have anxiously anticipated since our first day of school thirteen years ago when we let go of our parents hands and stepped into the world on our own, even if it only meant a brightly colored classroom.
But now, look where we are. Look at us. We aren’t those little kids clinging to our parent’s hands, and we are once again letting go to enter another new world. Right here at the end of it all.

You know, there is something about the end of things that makes you think of the beginning. On your first day of high school, nothing in the universe seems bigger than those cinder block steps leading into Forsyth Central. I remember feeling so small and lost among the seemingly gigantic seniors that roamed the expanse of main hallway like they owned it. As I sat in my first class, listening to the booming voice over the intercom wish me a “great Bulldog day,” I knew that I had entered a new world. A world of changes, of parties, of Friday night football. Of new people and newer things. Of love, and of life. This is what we as freshman had to look forward to. As seniors, this is the world we lived.

In the past four years, the world we entered has changed dramatically. Those cinder block steps are smaller than they used to be, or maybe we’ve just gotten bigger. And main hallway must have shrunk and now seems barely wide enough to squeeze through. The classes that never ended are over forever. It’s the last time any of us will be wished “a great Bulldog day.”

Through these years, we have gained. We have lost. We have experienced and we have grown.

Nelson Mandela once said, “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” As freshman, we entered this world of Forsyth Central bewildered, eager and anxious to be those seniors. And here we are. The seniors. The Class of 2006. And we can walk down those hallways like we own them. Because we do.

But our time here is ending.

The time has come to step down those cinder block steps and into the world beyond Forsyth Central High School. There is something greater to discover out there, a new world to conquer. To explore and to experience.

But like the past four years has changed us, it has also redefined what we know as the world. The world is not Cumming, Georgia. It is not what you see on CNN. It is not the puzzle pieces of countries on a map. Your world is not the blue-green sphere of Earth.

Pat Badger once said, “I figure wherever I am, that’s where the world is.”

And that is what our world has become. Your world is who you meet. It’s the lives you change. It’s the lives that change you. The world is the places you go and the things you find there. It is the things you learn, the secrets you keep, and the memories you share. The world is not a static place, but a dynamic one. It’s not the glass marble that we thought it once was, but more like the plasticky goo of play-doh. The world can be changed, it can be stretched, it can be beaten down and raised up, or it can be wrapped around your little finger. It is for you to discover how.

In May of 1968, in the midst of the revolts and demonstrations of Parisian students, someone splattered these words on a wall, “The revolution must take place in men before it can be manifest in things.” So be the revolution. Change your world. Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Be who you are. Be who you want to be. Your world is what you make it.

Four years ago, we made our world in the red and black striped halls of Forsyth Central. In the years to come, I hope that you can find your world. Or that it someday finds you. But at this moment. This day, in this place. Our worlds are connected.

We are the Class of 2006.
Good luck in every world you conquer and congratulations for conquering this one.


so in my avoidance to actually do work for class - i was searching through old documents on my computer and found this. it's my graduation speech. it is incredible to think about the things i have changed since then. how scared i was at that podium. the people that i wanted to stay closest to. the sudden desire to run from that stage. the places i wanted to see.

i'm a different person, and for the first time...it might be a good thing.

where do i go from here?

i feel so disillusioned.
for everything. school, friends, family, even AIESEC.

i want for anything else to be back where i was right after WSC this winter. i have never been so motivated, and its really hard to find where that came from.
i need an excuse to get genuinely excited about something. its getting harder and harder, and you don't even realize how depressing that can be.

Remotivation

when I found out that I was not going to Morocco for spring break, I almost started crying. my heart broke a little bit. and i lost the motivation to do anything. even AIESEC, which is a big deal for me. i mean, i'm not angry at the CC, just disappointed.

and then i trudged along to a meeting, still upset and confused and unsure what the next step was. and a comment came up in the meeting about how strange it would be if two integral members of our LC had not stayed with the organization - and how lost we would be without them.

right there was my motivation. I wanted to be that motivation and inspiration for someone else. i want to share with someone how amazing AIESEC is and have it completely change their life.

and here i am, remotivated. i still don't know where i am going from here, but i know i am at least going.


#sidenote: i bought my first suit today. i have never felt so old. and broke. but i better look good at the BOA meeting on thursday.